written in college (1996-1998?) Sociology class
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The American Family of today looks completely different from any
other family in history. Today's American family can consist of single
parents, remarried parents, and very distant relatives raising the
children. This contradicts the supposedly ideal family in the 1950's.
The typical family in the 1950's consisted of a father who worked to
provide the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter, and a stay at
home mom who kept up with the household chores and care of the
children. As women began moving into the work force in the 1960's and
70's they began to gain independence. Divorce rates began to soar and
birthrates began to fall. To some sociologists, this indicated the
decline of family values. Today a new generation of parents is emerging
and with it a variety of family forms. Critics are wondering, can the
family survive?
Women have been the most influenced by changes in the economic and
political world. As a result, they have been the major influence on the
direct changes of the American family. I have interviewed three women,
each from a different generation. I asked them about their childhood
experiences and how those experience affected their life expectancy. I
followed with questions about the patterns their life took and how
society treated them. I found that although each woman shared the
expectations of marriage and childbearing, their time tables and role
expectations differed. Throughout the four decades that will be
discussed, many theories of the American family were debated. I will
discuss those theories and how they affected the lives of each woman.
The Golden Age (fools gold?)
During the 1950's, a sociologist named Talcott Parsons wrote about
the ideal form a family should take for their survival and the survival
of society. This form consisted of both a father and mother in a single
household. The father performed the instrumental task of earning money
to provide the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. The mother
performed the emotional task of providing support and emotional
guidance for her husband and children as well as caring for the house.
Parson believed this division of labor to be instinctive to the
corresponding sex. The form Parsons described was the norm for his time
because the economic situation of the country allowed for only one
parent to work. The political situation of the country restricted the
possibilities for women to work in any advancing field. The family form
was also encouraged through television shows such as "Leave it to
Beaver" and advertisements that targeted women for household and child
care products.
Parsons failed to study any family that did not fit this form. He
claimed those families were dysfunctional and destined for failure. He
also did not study the amount of strain his form of the family put on
individual family members. Conflict theorists point out that he was so
focused on finding out what worked best for the survival of the family
that he overlooked sources of tension. They believed that in the family
form described by Parson, there was a winner and a loser.
Agnes Tinsley was born May 24, 1923. She was number seven out of
nine children. Her mother stayed home and kept up with the house work
and nine children while her father worked. Her parents were happily
married until they died. Agnes grew up expecting to follow in her
mother's footsteps. She dreamed of a lovely home and many children. She
never pursued a higher education because her goal in life was to be a
wife and mother. She began dating a man when she was nineteen and
married him when she was twenty one. During her first two years of
marriage, her husband was supposed to be shipped off to War World II to
be a tail gunner in a B-29. She was concerned that he might not come
back and therefore set out to get pregnant before he left.
After he returned they had a second child and moved into a home with an
adjoining grocery store. Agnes' husband expected her to help run the
grocery store and take care of the house
and children. He refused to allow her to hire a retarded girl to iron
clothes for ten cents an hour. When she fell behind in her chores, or
complained of being tired, he accused her of not fulfilling her duty as
a wife. Consequently Agnes had a nervous breakdown and had to be
hospitalized.
Parson believed that the ideal family form of the husband as
"bread-winner" and the wife as "home-maker" was the only healthy way
for a family to survive. He claimed that if a woman or man lost their
spouse to either death or divorce, it was their duty to find a
replacement. He believed that it was not in the children's best
interest to be raised by a single parent. Children would lack
instruction and support. In the case of divorce, the woman usually got
custody of the children because of their "natural ability" to raise
them. It was then her responsibility to find a husband to support the
family. A parent was not supposed to look out for his or her individual
interest, but only for the stability of the children.
After Agnes returned from the hospital, her husband asked for a
divorce. As a single parent, she was forced to go into the work force
which meant she could not be with her children to raise them. She gave
up temporary custody of her two children to the parents of her
ex-husband. She was only able to find dead end low paying jobs. Knowing
that she could never regain custody of her children this way, she quit
her job and moved in with her mom. She later met a man whom fell deeply
in love with her. He promised to take care of her and her children.
They were married in 1960 and Agnes was able to regain her children.
She never admitted to loving her new husband, she would just say, "He
is a good provider."
Burn the Bras!
In the 1960's and 1970's women began to move into the workforce. The
movement from home to the workplace led to anomie in the society; a
state of confusion in which people do not know what they are supposed
to be doing. Women had been raised to be wives and mothers but current
economic situations required some women to enter the work force. Women
earning their own money found that they were more independent. They no
longer had to rely on a husband for basic needs, they were able to
provide it for themselves. A commercial aired during this time showing
a woman singing a song, I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. These
new trends consisted of rises in the divorce rate and a decline in birth
rates. Political changes had started taking place giving equal rights
to women as well as minorities. Women began entering the work force
either by choice or by force. Sociologist began to wonder if the
American family was in decline.
Sharon was born in 1946. She dropped out of high school at the age
of 16. As she was growing up she helped her mother with housework and
the care of her younger brother. She expected to get married and be a
house wife one day. She got pregnant at the age of seventeen and
immediately married the father. At the time, abortion was not an option
and to have a child out of wedlock was a disgrace. They moved to a
house and had a second child. At this time women were starting to move
into the workforce, but the norm was still "Bread-winner/Home maker."
Sharon had no desire to move into the work force. She never pursued any
type of education or training because she had always expected to be a
housewife and mother.
The changes in society at this time sparked what is known as the
Feminist Movement. The Feminist perspective was drawn from the conflict
theorist who claimed that the traditional family discussed by Talcott
Parsons consisted of a winner and a loser. The Feminist pointed out
that the loser in the situation was always the woman. The woman
suffered inequalities in her home as well as in society. All roles that
were placed on women worked against them establishing any type of
control in their lives. Women began uniting to fight for equal rights.
A popular song of the time was "I am Woman, Hear me Roar!"
Sharon's husband began to go out drinking after work and not
bringing enough money home to meet the bills. When she complained, he
would tell her to go out and get a job. Once she began working he felt
threatened that she was taking away his role. He would complain that
the house was always messy and the children weren't being cared for. He
also started to have an affair. They soon had a third child which
brought the family back together. However, things soon began to revert
back to the previous conditions. Sharon divorced him in 1974 and
obtained custody of the three children.
Though the roles of women had been changing in both the political
and economic world, society was slow to catch up. Companies were not
prepared for single mothers in the workforce and did not provide any
allowances to the needs of children. Sharon found the workforce to be
very intolerant of her need to care for three children. Child care was
not easy to find, and women were ridiculed for placing their children
in the care of others. She could not hold on to a job that had good
enough pay to support her and her children. The jobs that were more
flexible did not pay enough. The court system was still too lenient
with fathers who refused to pay child support. She tried to survive
with government assistance and support from her family, but later she
had to contend with her ex husband's fight for custody.
Although the country was changing, family values were still
consistent with the 1950's for the majority of the people who grew up
in that time. It was still the norm that it was the natural ability of
a mother to care for the children and the father to care for the
finances. Society believed that the best and most stable form a family
could take was one with two parents in the same household. Women did not
have the support from society to survive as a single parent. Women were
fighting for a change, but things had not yet changed.
Sharon's ex-husband immediately remarried and began to fight for
custody on the grounds that his home was more stable to raise children
in. He did not immediately win, but after the long battle, Sharon was
forced to give her children up due to the financial restraints put on
her by his lack of child support and constant battling.
During this time men had not kept up with the changes that were
occurring. Although women were working, they also had to care for the
children and keep up the housework. This not only put a lot of strain
on the women but also left men at a disadvantage of depending on women
to care for them and their children. It was thought "manly" to be a
bumbling fool at such things that were considered "woman's work."
Sharon's ex-husband remained married for two years and then
divorced. He was stuck with three children and no one to care for them.
Sharon was still struggling to support herself. To resolve both
problems, he asked Sharon if she would move back in to care for the
children. He had already began dating some one else therefore was not
interested in reconciliation. However, they remarried in 1977. She
didn't love him, but she needed her children. In 1987 her second child
turned eighteen. She got custody of their youngest and moved back in
with her mother. The divorce was final in 1988.
Two opposing arguments that began being debated in the sixties and
seventies were, is the family in decline or in transition. Sociologists
such as Popenoe looked at the divorce rate and the postponement of
marriage as well as the rise in working mothers and decided that the
family was in decline. He believes that for America to survive as a
society, families must return to traditional values expressed by
Talcott Parsons. Sociologists such as Orthner believes that there is no
one ideal family structure and that families will change with society
over time. Families must be fluid to be able to survive economic,
political, and technological changes in their society. The question is,
does the family adjust to changes in in society or does society adjust
to changes in the family?
What about the Children?
Anytime there is a change, a period of confusion and adjustment
usually follows. In the 1960's and 70's women began moving into the
workforce. By the 1980's it had become clear that they were there to
stay. Companies were forced to accept women due to equal rights laws
and affirmative action, but they were not prepared for the changes that
came with women working outside of the home. Companies soon learned
that women were very capable of doing what was always considered a
"man's job." Corporate America is now seeing more and more women
entering as professionals rather than helpers.
Cindy Lee was born in 1972. She is part of a new group known as
generation X; ages 18-29. Like most people in her generation, Cindy has
become very critical of traditional family roles. She was raised by a
single mother who had a hard time trying to support herself and her
daughter. Cindy saw the recent changes in opportunities for women with
an education. The consequences of which was that society believed a
woman had to choose between a career or a family. When Cindy began
college as a marketing major, her choice was clear, a career. She did
not want to be trapped like her mother was.
Being faced with the choice between career or family, many women
choose a career so that they may remain independent. Many critics view
this as a decline in family values and a rise in individualism. The use
of birth control and abortion started an uproar in the religious
community. Political leaders and religious leaders began to call for a
return to traditional values. The problem is, women will not return to
the golden ages, therefore society must find a way to adjust.
In Cindy's first year of college, her mother began to insist that
she was wasting her time and money on an education. Her mother felt
that Cindy was too old to be living at home and made this very clear.
Cindy had been dating someone and decided to move in with him. She was
not ready for marriage and was not going to be forced into it. At the
time Cindy and her boyfriend decided to marry, they had been attending
a Baptist church together. When they met with the pastor to ask him to
marry them the pastor replied that he did not marry people who had been
living together.
A year later, Cindy got pregnant. Although she knew that abortion
was an option and was very much pro-life, she could not bring herself
to make that decision. When her family learned that she was pregnant,
they urged her to drop out of school and work to finish putting her
husband through school. Cindy did not want to lose her chance at
education.
One of the main changes that has occurred to help with the situation
of women being in the workplace is the transition of the fathers
becoming caretakers. Very recently fathers were left in the waiting
room while the mother gave birth. Today almost all hospitals encourage
fathers to participate in the birth of the child. Classes are given to
teach them how they may be of assistance. Many husbands are going to
the doctor's office with their wives for their routine visits.
Technology has helped them to feel more involved by providing
ultrasound which enables the father to see the embryo which sets in the
reality of it all. The media has also encouraged dads to be more
involved with their children by targeting fathers in ads for child care
products. Most magazine ads ran by Johnson's & Johnson's show the
father caring for the child. Father involvement with their children is
becoming more the norm. This relieves some of the stress from the
mother and provides a whole new world of emotions for the men.
When Cindy's son was being born, her husband stayed with her
throughout the seventeen hours of labor. They had taken classes
together and chose a hospital that had birthing suites. Cindy's room
was private and had a breakfast table and a couch with a pull out bed
for the fathers. When Cindy brought her baby home, she didn't even know
how to change a diaper. She and her husband joined together in the task
of learning how to care for an infant. She was able to express breast
milk so that they were able to take turns with late night feedings yet
still give the child the best nutrition. They found that sharing the
ups and downs of caring for a child made their relationship stronger
and closer.
In the late eighties, USA Today along with other national newspapers
began to look for companies that were "family friendly." They asked
companies to submit to a contest so that they could rank the companies
by their policies toward working parents. The first few years, most
companies ignored the plight for family friendly workplaces. As fathers
became more involved with their children and more encouraging to their
wives working, family friendliness became a benefit employees sought.
When the contest began in 1995, over eighty percent of America's big
corporations applied. Companies have started on the job day cares,
paternity leave as well as longer maternity leaves, and more flexible
work schedules. The technology of computers has also allowed more
parents to begin working from their homes.
When Cindy decided to go back to work, both her job and her
husband's job set up schedules so that they could work opposite shifts,
leaving one parent with the child at all times. They set aside every
Sunday as family day; no work, no school, no homework, no favors for
friends or family, just fun.
Women have been restricted from the workplace, abused in the
workplace and finally welcomed into the workplace. The critics of
working mothers who are asking for a return to family values are
failing to see the ways society can support each individual in a
family. Those who claim that it "takes a village to raise a child" are
downplaying the potential a family has of working together as a unit.
Children have always been valued in American society, however during
the time of change they didn't have a place. As a result they got lost
in societies anomie. As technology continues to advance helping to keep
parents home more often and gender restraints are lifted, people will
find the place for their children right at home. The religious right
that argue against abortion and birth control may get to see the day
when those things are no longer needed because society will accept and
support all types of families. The family form is constantly changing
and America is heading for a new type of stability.
